How to start a sex life after the birth of a child

The young mother, indeed, is overcome by a variety of doubts: “Will it hurt?”, “Am I too fat?”, “And if the baby wakes up?” and even “What if I get pregnant?!” According to experts, the first night of love can really be a little different from what your hungry imagination draws.

“The first three months after giving birth, sexual desire is really at zero due to the high level of the hormone prolactin. Under its influence, the so-called maternal instinct and the corresponding behavioral reactions are formed: a woman is focused only on caring for a child, she does not notice anyone or anything around her, ”notes Oksana. Fatigue and routine also kill sexual desire no worse than prolactin. Be sure to set aside a day a week when you get out of the house and do what you want. It doesn't matter if it's a workout, a meeting with friends, a manicure or shopping. It is outside the home that you step out of your motherhood and become the attractive woman your man once loved.

It is very important in the first time after childbirth to engage in self-regulation and apply sexual “tuning” techniques, otherwise you can lull your libido for a long time. One of the methods is to insert vaginal balls half an hour before the husband arrives from work and thus tune in to intimacy.

Vaginal sex may be contraindicated for several months if the birth was difficult, with multiple tears, trauma, or an unsuccessful episiotomy. However, you should not completely abandon intimacy.

The fact is that a man begins to understand that now he is not the main person in the life of his beloved, but a newborn baby. At first, maternal instinct will force you to protect the baby from everyone, including the father. Don't let this happen.

Even the most caring spouse is sometimes not ready for such drastic changes, and it takes time for him to get used to the new reality. Set aside one day every two to three weeks just for the two of you, even if you have to hire a babysitter. This will not ruin you, but family life will improve significantly. Also emphasize in every possible way how much you need your husband's help in caring for the child, and encourage his actions.

The sexologist also strongly advises: do not turn into a mother! “The most common cause of sexual failure after the birth of a child is the transition of a woman into the mother archetype,” says the expert. - Stop any attempts by your husband to put you on a pedestal of the Mother of His Children. For example, don't let us call you "Mommy" or "Mommy".

As soon as the gynecologist allows you to have sex (usually after six weeks - if there were no injuries during childbirth), you need to start restoring the tone of the pelvic floor muscles with the help of special exercises. Even if you had a caesarean section, the vaginal muscles still lose their tone, since during pregnancy you hold the baby's weight on them. If you have no contraindications (a tendency to form tumors or autoimmune diseases), then you can resort to the fastest way - a special simulator-myostimulator. It not only effectively restores the elasticity of the vaginal muscles, but also enhances the sensitivity of the nerve endings of the erogenous zones located inside the vagina. If there are contraindications, there are pneumatic Kegel simulators and autonomous ones that synchronize with the application on the phone. It is better to train according to an individual scheme, which will be selected by a sex trainer personally or at a special training.

For the first time in the bedroom, you don’t need to experiment: intimacy should take place in a classic form for partners. Regardless of whether you gave birth naturally or by caesarean section, the body is still in a state of stress, so any innovation at first can only harm.

But after a few months, you can already come up with something new! According to the expert, sex after the birth of a child is different from that which was before pregnancy. To feel vivid emotions again, you need to bring changes to your intimate life. It can be completely new sex (positions, views, toys, techniques), role reversal or taboos broken.

Before every future mother, sooner or later, the question arises about the presence of her husband in the delivery room. Many representatives of the weaker sex fear that a man, after such an experience, will no longer perceive her as a woman.

“There is such a myth that joint childbirth kills sex,” says Oksana. - This is wrong. As a woman who has gone through both conventional and partner births, I can confidently speak in favor of the latter. Most couples tend to face this choice before the birth of their first child and can be confused by the sheer number of myths.”

Myth 1: A man gets a negative traumatic experience from participation in a partner birth, which can later affect your relationship

Firstly, your husband during the birth process will be at the head of the obstetric bed, and not opposite the opened uterus, and nothing will not see the worst. In addition, doctors usually closely monitor this - they don’t need unconscious men during childbirth.

Even during your spinal anesthesia, your husband will most likely be asked to leave the room to rule out fainting or inappropriate reaction.

Secondly, most men endure the experience of partner childbirth quite easily, and then share their impressions with pride and delight. “Before deciding on a partner birth, we called all our male friends with many children to share their experience. Most of them unanimously answered that they really liked it and they would go again, - Oksana said. - Of course, the general statistics are unknown to us. The experience of my clients and acquaintances who have gone through partnerships says that partnerships will not cause your partner any particular inconvenience.”

Myth 2: After a joint birth, a man will have an aversion to sex

The fear that sex in a marriage dies after a partner gives birth is greatly exaggerated. Such cases do happen, but very rarely. As a rule, this happens in those couples who are very conservative about sex or do not have a trusting relationship with each other.

“Many women are afraid of losing their sexuality in the eyes of their spouse. If a man lives with you under the same roof, then most likely he has already seen you with dirty hair, sweat and face paint during the repair. It’s the same with childbirth, Bachinskaya draws an analogy. - Everyone has moments of ''unattractive'', and your husband is no exception. The main thing is not to turn an untidy look into a habit.

Sometimes very impressionable men still stop having sex with their spouse after a joint birth because they are afraid of causing pain. No persuasion and arguments of doctors help ... Act gradually: manual and oral techniques will help you.

Of course, the appearance of a child affects the sexual life. That is why, in the first time after childbirth, it is very important to maintain physical and emotional contact with your husband, so as not to encounter misunderstandings in the future. We hope that our tips will help you avoid relationship problems and make your sex life brighter and more interesting.