Where did the myth that women are monogamous come from, explains a sexologist

Today the world is changing at an unprecedented speed, and even such seemingly basic foundations have changed.

It was assumed that women are monogamous by default, because they are the custodians of the hearth and are simply obliged, no matter what the outcome, to be faithful to their partner, sit by the window and get covered in dust.

But are women really monogamous, as society has drilled into women's heads? I am sure that “one man for life” is a decision not determined by physiology, but associated exclusively with social pressure and rules, which, as we know, were written by men. And in these rules - “know your place, woman.” And you know who determined this place for her.

Previously, dependence on public opinion and the heavy fist of his father, with which he hit the table in case of disobedience, was stronger than any predispositions, desires and instincts. The woman had a list, opposite each of the items she ticked one by one - take care of yourself before the wedding; becoming pregnant after fulfilling almost every marital duty; give birth regardless of your health, pregnancy outcome and previous births; take care of your children, home and husband.

From an overabundance of responsibilities, from the oppression that fell on their shoulders, from the lack of contraception, women gave up on themselves and perceived sex as an obligation, obligation and duty. There was no talk of pleasure.

Yes, there have always been women who listened to their desires and followed the path of least resistance, not paying attention to society, its pressure and condemnation from many, they chose their pleasure, their nature.

Times have changed, and women are speaking out for their rights louder and louder. The advent of contraceptives gave every woman freedom from the inevitable outcome of sex - pregnancy, which haunted our ancestors. A woman chooses her partner herself. He listens to his feelings and can already calmly talk about the real reasons for the “mismatch of characters”, such as the reasons for divorce - different sexual constitutions, lack of sex.

And yet, as a psychologist and sexologist, I see a very important nuance. Female polygamy in its pure form occurs at certain moments in a woman’s life and not in such a large number of cases. And here our natural mental characteristics play a huge role, which cannot be discounted. Our most important difference from men is our strong emotional attachment to our sexual partner.

Only a small percentage of women can differentiate between bed and emotions, physical satisfaction from moral satisfaction. Are you familiar with the situation when, after a quarrel with a partner, we refuse a stormy reconciliation, because the resentment has not gone away and the passions have not subsided? So, men have never understood us in this matter and never will, since for them there is nothing better than making peace in bed. Few succeed in completely separating sex and relationships, sex and emotions, sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction, therefore open relationships, supported by a physiological impulse, are less common in women than in men.

Yes, men cheat on their significant other with women, only they are much more likely to become attached, fall in love and ultimately suffer, because the man did not promise anything, and love was not expected.

Another important point. If everything is started for the sake of satisfying one’s desires, sex, then we know that the best sex occurs when there has been a grinding in, getting used to the partner’s body, feeling each other. A woman’s orgasm, unlike a man’s, is not just mechanical and without some preliminary adjustment (which is impossible with one-time contact) simply will not happen. And then it turns out that only the drive from the feeling of freedom, and not satisfaction at all, was the goal. And we are not talking about monogamy, but about overcoming internal prohibitions. And here it is better to work with a psychologist than to get involved in changing partners.

But there's something else. What if, when talking about polygamy, we mean not only a change of sexual partners, but also an emotional attachment? And then it becomes obvious that we can indeed experience tenderness, emotional attraction and comfort in communicating with several men. And then, going beyond the understanding of polygamy, solely as jumping from bed to bed, we will discover that several interesting, close men, similar in emotions and interests, can significantly diversify and color our lives.

One thing is obvious - sex is just as important for us as it is for men. Women have emerged from the darkness of convictions, condemnations, a sense of duty and blind obedience to long-standing foundations. Is this bad? Is it good? Every woman has the right to decide for herself how many partners to have, how to choose them and whether to live with someone who does not meet her needs, or to find the most suitable option for her. And this freedom is worth a lot.