PARTNERS WITH DIVERGING LIBIDO. THERE'S A SOLUTION!
Date: 2023-07-14 Author: Karina Ziganova Categories: BLOG 18+
1. Planning sex. Planned sex is not just a solution for tired and stressed couples. In couples with unmatched libido, the person who wants sex will feel rejected and unwanted, while the other may feel pressured. If you are one of those who always take the first step and "cut" you more often than you would like, you may feel really depressed. The other partner also experiences similar problems – the feeling of pressure and obligation can lead to a rather vicious circle of "you do not give me – you press me". Nothing kills libido more than knowing that sex is an obligation.
If you schedule sex for a certain time, then instead of relying on the spontaneous impulse of the passive partner, you will be able to prepare. So sex will be something you plan together, in which you partner ... Not an annoyance for which one always asks and the other either says "let me pass" or refuses.
2. Re-definition of sex. If one of you likes sex more than the other, it might be a good idea to reset the attitude with which you approach sex — so that you are both satisfied. How about mutual masturbation? Phone sex? Or using sex toys – if the partner does not want to participate in the real sex act. In other words: there are many different ways to deliver sexual pleasure. They may not always bring one partner to orgasm, but they will create a romantic and erotic relationship between the two.
3. Algorithm. When does the less interested partner lower their interest – are they certain times a day, a week, a month? When do you have sex – at the end of the day when your partner may be tired? Try to reshuffle this routine schedule – look at what the circumstances are in which you have sex and what are the circumstances in which you want sex but don't get it.
4. Compromises. If you want sex twice a week and your partner wants twice a month... Maybe you can compromise between the two. Have sex once a week. It won't be perfect for any of you, but think about it – in this situation, things can't be perfect anyway. Having sex more or less than you want is certainly not the perfect option if a choice could be made. But if you love your partner and want to sacrifice at least 10% of your own happiness for his, make a compromise.
5. Open relationship. Let's be clear: this is not for everyone. Many people are monogamous and do not even suspect how bad they would feel if their partner was sleeping with someone else.
But you can try. Or consider it, at least. If one partner wants more sex, with the other's consent, he goes and gets it from another. Of course, in practice it is not so easy, but still...
A strange solution to the problem, but if your desire for sex is really so different that you are considering breaking up with this person, even though you love him immensely – then in the end you do not lose anything.
love you
6. Communication. There are certainly couples for whom none of the above solutions will eliminate the problem. Sometimes the difference in libido is not a problem, but a symptom – lack of trust, poor communication, low self-esteem, sexual guilt, bitterness, etc. All this can lead to a lack of desire for sex (with a certain person). You can try to fix the problem by talking openly about the things that might be bothering one or both of them.
A lot of it comes down to the chemistry between you. If one partner wants sex twice a day and the other wants sex twice a year, no matter how many compromises you make, things won't change. Then you have to make a really cardinal summons about the nature of the relationship – how important sex is to her and whether the two of you will be happier apart than together.
It's worth making an effort and investing some time to try to make things right. If it does not work, you will already know that with a clear conscience you will be able to free this person from yourself.
