Secrets to a Long and Happy Marriage According to Psychologists

From childhood, we've heard that all fairy tales end with a wedding, but seldom do they venture into the complexities of married life. The reality of sharing a life together can sometimes feel like navigating treacherous rapids.

Is it possible to avoid irreversible mistakes that lead to the demise of marital happiness?

Psychology professor John Gottman and mathematics professor James Murray, both working at a university in Seattle, spent a decade observing 700 married couples' lives. Their meticulous observations and analysis led them to develop a unique formula claiming to predict with 95% accuracy how long a couple will stay together and what might part them—only death or numerous relationship pitfalls.

The American researchers' method relied on analyzing disagreements between spouses. To achieve objective results, Gottman and Murray evaluated different intonations, facial expressions, and gestures, assigning specific scores based on emotional tones. For instance, a joke that elicited a partner's smile earned a plus two, while a negative word like "fool" received a minus four.

During their research, couples were asked to engage in heated debates on significant topics such as money, sex, politics, and child-rearing. The researchers recorded negative and positive signals exchanged during these discussions.

It turned out that the strongest couples displayed signs of attachment, even during heated debates. These signs included gentle touches, peaceful gestures, lighthearted jokes, irony, and self-irony. Conversely, troubled couples used aggressive gestures and facial expressions, made sarcastic remarks, and exhibited irritation and impatience.

The ideal ratio, according to this research, is having five positive signals for every negative one. Maintaining this balance guarantees a long and joyful marriage, where partners remain interested in each other, and love and advice prevail.

However, these are not the only pieces of advice psychologists offer to married couples. Researchers from various countries suggest their own strategies for strengthening marital bonds. Here are some additional tips:

1. Age Difference: A study from the University of Vienna found that the strongest marriages involve husbands who are four to six years older than their wives.

2. Clear Division of Responsibilities: It doesn't matter who does the dishes or brings home the bacon. What matters is that each partner excels in their designated roles and can rely on each other. This shared responsibility fosters a stronger partnership.

3. Regular Communication: American psychologist Alan Bergeystl believes that spending at least thirty minutes a day in meaningful conversation is enough to maintain a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, many couples neglect even this minimal communication.

4. Extended Courtship Period: Texas psychologists have found that the ideal "honeymoon phase" should last around one and a half years. Rushing into marriage can lead to unmet expectations, while waiting too long may result in a lack of trust and love later on.

In conclusion, a happy and lasting marriage requires a delicate balance of positive and negative interactions, but these tips from psychologists can provide additional support for couples seeking to strengthen their union.