Understanding Conflicts in Sexual Relationships and How to Handle Them

At the onset of relationships, the desire for our partner to anticipate our erotic desires and engage in sex exactly when and how we want is common. However, real-life relationships often reveal discrepancies between desires and possibilities, leading to awkwardness, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and grievances. Conflict, by itself, isn’t always negative. It can be an avenue for discussing each side's perspective, offering an alternate view, turning it into a constructive dialogue for a new phase in sexual relationships. The issue arises when growing dissatisfaction is masked by anything but the truth: instead of openly discussing sex, you might start reproaching your partner for frequent outings with friends.

Conflict triggers in sex can vary, but the primary causes, even at the start of relationships, typically revolve around:

— Mismatched temperaments and sexual constitutions: One partner might desire sex twice a day, while another finds satisfaction in it twice a month. Resolving such conflicts can be near-impossible, especially if the more temperamental partner remains faithful to the other. Other discrepancies, like one partner preferring sex only in the evening while the other prefers mornings, or one content with basic positions before sleep while the other craves variety, are more negotiable through discussion and compromise.

— Disregard for your needs: When your partner dismisses your orgasms, considers foreplay a waste of time, prioritizes solely their sensations, or ignores discussions on safe sex practices and contraception, preferring rough sex and their preferred positions while disregarding your requests—perhaps it’s time to reconsider the relationship.

— Misunderstanding roles within the partnership: If your relationship morphs into caretaker-child dynamics or loses the spice of lovers, becoming instead a nurturing mother with a dependent son, a naive girl with a stern father figure, an elder sister or understanding friend, it might lose its romantic essence. It could entail emotional support, care, nurturing, and acquiescence to weaknesses, but not necessarily a fulfilling sexual connection. In such cases, one might seek that elsewhere.